we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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