At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
