You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
