I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to sanitize my soul.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
