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he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
