3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
