where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
