just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
