Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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