I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize