I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
