You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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