So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
