none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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