if only i could text you this smell
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize