from now on my penis is your penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
