I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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