it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
