did you get engaged???
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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