okay pat passed out under dana's car
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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