so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
