Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
