this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want a musical about memes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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