The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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