the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
