just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i believe in u and ur pee
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
