I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize