how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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