just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
