Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
