Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize