White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
