i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize