do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
