she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
