No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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