i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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