My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
