Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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