i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize