If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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