Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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