She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
