Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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