U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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