Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
