Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
