Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
