and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
