don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
