do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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