Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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