her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
