Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
