Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
