Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
