You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
A bitchslap is in order.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
