She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
