i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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