Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
