Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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