she looked like the before picture.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
