Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
