I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
