Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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