I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
