I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
