Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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