I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize