I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
