Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
